Domestic Violence

Due to a recent "sports start" here in Australia Domestic violence has been being talk about again.  It's really hard to explain to people who have never been in a Domestic Violence situation why it's so hard to get out and why people don't often realise they are in a Domestic Violent relationship until it's way to late.

Trust me when I tell you that you don't fall in love with a domestic abuser you fall in love with their alter ego. You don't fall in love with some one who beats you on the first date, or starts putting you down and verbally abusing you from the word go.  It creeps up on you they start out small a verbal word here a put down there, it's so subtle that you don't even realise that it's happening and you question if you took it the wrong way.

Then it gets bigger, more put downs more isolation sometimes violent outbursts that are blamed on you.  Then there is the beating(this never happened to me) There is a cycle of abuse the loving, the violence, the apologies the loving the violence and around and around it goes.  The more you are abused the harder it is to get out.  You start to believe the lies that you are fat, ugly, useless, that no one else will love you like he does, that you deserve what you are getting, that it's your fault, if only you would do things right they wouldn't get angry with you.

Then there is the fear I am grateful that I never had children in my situation but he wanted some even though I was only 16 at the time he wanted me to give up school and have a child I am so glad I kept the fact that I was on the pill a secret because if he had found out I would have paid the price.  As it was while I was never beaten he was attempted and I managed to lock myself in the bedroom with a set of draws against the door to keep him out.  Until you have lived with the fear that your supposedly loving partner puts in you, you will never understand why women and some men stay in abusive relationships.

I wonder how many people realise that the most dangerous time in a domestic abusive relationship is when you leave because the abuser has lost control and wants it back.  You live in fear that they will come after you, they threaten to take your children away they threaten and some do end up killing you.

I was lucky I was able to go on a "holiday" to go see my mum in a town a few hours away and it was from the safety of her house that I called him and told him I wasn't coming back, Many woman aren't that lucky they have to run in the middle of the night or the middle of the day when their partners are either asleep or at work and they are leaving with barely more than the clothes on their backs.

So next time you hear of a woman in a domestic violent situation and are wondering why they don't leave don't assume it's because they don't want to it's because they are afraid to.