Why Victim blaming will always be wrong.

There have been a few rape cases in the media lately the one that stands out the most is the one over in America with the rape of a 16 year old girl by two 16 year old young men.  The sad thing about this case was that it was done.  The second saddest thing was the defence one of the defence attorneys used.

It was that she didn't say NO.  Mind you the young girl was passed out at the time and couldn't say yes or no even if she wanted to.  So he was saying that the absence of no was a yes.  WTF?  How could an young woman passed out say yes or no?  Why if she couldn't say no mean that it was a yes?  These are some of the questions I would like to ask this attorney.  I know that it's his job to defend his client but such a useless defence was going to see the outcome that was the outcome.  Guilty.
Here is a link to the news story about the defence:  http://www.news.com.au/world-news/trial-of-two-high-school-footballers-accused-of-raping-a-teenage-girl-starts-in-the-us/story-fndir2ev-1226596194883#ixzz2NNZNBbwQ

This same lawyer was also later quoted as saying  "yet Madison claims the 16-year-old knew what she was getting herself into, because who wouldn't expect to be repeatedly sexually assaulted by multiple people without her consent after some shots? We call that "Friday night!"" 

Where does he get off blaming the victim?  This was done TO her without her consent, she was violated in one of the worst ways imaginable and he thinks he can just call it a friday night?  If I was the woman in his life I would be afraid very afraid that he thinks this kind of behaviour is acceptable.

What upsets me the most is that this isn't a one off, Media reports rapes and it's always always always stated if the woman had been drinking or not.  It doesn't matter if the woman/girl/man/boy was drinking if you don't say yes it's RAPE.  

Police questions can be just as insensitive 
Have you slept with him before?
How many times?
What makes you think it was rape?
Why were you alone with him?
Why were you drinking?
What were you wearing?

Stuff like that is victim blaming, lets get one thing straight once and for all VICTIMS AREN'T TO BLAME.  They aren't responsible in any way shape or form.  

It should never be about what she wore, what she drank, what she did.  Why aren't there questions in the media about what he wore, what he drank, what he did?  The actions of the rapists seem to be blamed on the raped each and every time.  This is unfair to the victim, why should they carry the responsibility of someone else's actions?

It was not her fault her daddy did that to her, it was not her fault her brother did that to her, it was not her fault her uncle, grandfather, boyfriend, family friend ETC did that to her.  The responsibility has to lie with him because if it doesn't we can never stop the rape culture we seem to have developed as a world.

The fault must lie with the rapist, they need to be held accountable for their actions.  We need to make this abuse stop.  Rape is one of the least reported crimes in the WORLD, Those that are report only about 2% make it to court and only about 1% have a conviction recorded.  Why is it that woman accept this?  Why are we not crying out for harsher sentences, why is one of the biggest crimes against woman given such lowly treatment? 

We need to rise up we need to be a collective voice, we need to demand the punishment fit the damn crime.  NO MORE lenient sentences for a crime that woman will carry with them for life, It changes you as a person, it changes your sense of security, every body you meet is met with caution will this be a person who takes advantage of me.


This is why victim blaming will always be wrong we carry a guilt that isn't ours to carry.
  

I ran away for a few days

Last Thursday I turned to my husband and asked him if he was off for the weekened and when was he heading back to work.  Turns out he is off until this evening.  So I told him I was running away for 4 days and heading down to Melbourne.

6am Saturday morning I jumped in my car and hit the road. Stopping first in Wadonga to visit with my nan who lives up there.  Then a quick stop at my mum's(she was in QLD) for a bathroom break because all the rest stops were being upgraded and weren't opened.

Then a short 2 hour drive to my destination.  I arrived at Phenomenal Woman's house(Crissy) you can find her here http://bloggitymoo.blogspot.com.au/ .  Now one would think running away from your 3 children at home to a woman with 7 children was kind of crazy.  But it was just the thing I needed.  Some girly time drinking wine eating fine fine food that I didn't have to cook.  And it was fine food I thought I had gone to heaven Crissy's Lasagne is to DIE FOR, all cheesey and meaty and just yum.  The next day we decided to do take away and what an experience that was.  Getting Hungry Jacks for 9 people we ordered and paid for the meal through drive though then we were asked to pull into the waiting bays and wait we did.  All of a sudden out walks one of the workers with a BOX of food Crissy and I just burst out laughing.  No seriously it came out in a box

That was an experience for me.  Crissy's kids are amazing from her oldest to her youngest.  I have a soft spot for her almost 11 year old Alex he is so sweet and caring.  I wanted to bring him home with me but Crissy wouldn't let me.  

Her oldest son Christian Played his guitar and sang for us on Saturday night and he has an amazing voice and his skills on the guitar is Phenomenal.

Her 2nd oldest son Thomas is a sweet kid(and I feel a little guilty cause I slept in his bed) he is a kind caring young man who loves his family.

You have heard about her 3rd son Alex. 

Then there is Nicholas is another real sweety, funny kid.

Then there is Luca who was so quiet I sometimes forgot he was there.

Then there is Daniel who is firery sort, still sweet though.

And Finally there is Miss Moo who at 3 is a princess, she is a mumma's girl but loves her brothers, she is cheeky, sweet and loving.

They are an amazing family and it was a joy to be there.  I had the best time and the nicest break, I got to recharge my batteries and came home feeling good.

So a big thank you to Crissy and family for allowing me to spend 4 days with you.  Thank you for feeding me amazing meals and just allowing me to chill.  MWAH

Writer's Block

I have a great blog piece floating around in my head but I have no idea how to put it into words without it seeming like a bunch of random comments from me.

I have been thinking about this for about the past hour and I still have no idea how to put my idea down in words.

Merry Christmas and looking back over the year.

First off Merry Christmas one and all.   I hope you all have a safe Christmas and New Year.

I have been sitting here thinking back over this last year and it has been a pretty good one as always there have been some lows but not to many.  And the Highs cancel out the lows anyway.

While it's tough being a shift workers wife I don't think I would have it any other way.  I know what to expect in this life and love the track that it's on.  The kids are growing up beautifully if I do say so myself, Husband is happy in his work and we are happy as a family and as a couple.

Then there is me looking for work, I am lucky enough to be in a position where I don't have to work and could be a lady of leisure but that life kind sucks for me, Now I am just waiting on a start date from the job I was found suitable for, hopefully at the beginning of the new year I will get that start date.

A response to a blog piece

Ok this morning I was shown a blog by my lovely friend over at Phenomenal Woman:  www.bloggitymoo.blogspot.com.au

This guy who wrote this piece truly is an Arsehole.  So in response to his "lovely"(yes I am using sarcasm there) piece I have decided to write a response.

Here is his piece
 www.boldanddetermined.com/2012/11/29/how-to-meet-shy-girls/  Trust me it's gag worthy and may induce feelings for stabbiness.  I am hoping he see's it and reads it.

Dear Bold & Determined

Having just been shown your blog piece this morning I just wished to clear a few things up with you.  
Number 1- Women are not "whores"
Number 2- I hope you don't kiss your mother with that mouth
Number 3- This blog piece is more than likely the reason you are no longer having sex with ANY woman.

Women are not toys for you to play with they are human beings capable it seems of more intelligent thought than you.  You say you want to act like a man around a women here is a thought trying acting like a man and not a Neanderthal.  Women don't want to be "hunted" we are not animals and you are not a hunter.  We also aren't food.  It is quite obvious from your blog piece that you have some issues that you should really seek help about them until then please stay away from women.  

Encouraging me to touch a woman after she has said NO is encouraging them to commit sexual assault because NO actually means NO.  No is NOT an invitation for you to continue touching someone.  Also women enjoy this thing(now I know this is going to be hard for you) called PERSONAL SPACE and if you are up in it all you should be getting is a rather nasty case of sore balls.

Shy women wouldn't touch you with a barge pole.  I would know I am ONE.  And speaking personally if any guy tried those tactics on me he would end up with extremely sore BALLS.  

I can tell you right now not all shy girls are "girlish" or don't have High Career ambitions we are just quiet achievers going quietly about our business and will go as high as we wish to go.  And you under estimate just how much of an opinion shy girls actually have.  We have lots just because we don't state them loudly doesn't mean we don't have them and don't express them because we do.  

This one paragraph explains to all why you can't keep a girlfriend/wife it's because you don't understand women at all.

"Shy girls do not tend to have sky high over-confidence and are more down to earth and downright easier to be around. I’m sure you have been spoonfed all this baloney about girls needing more confidence, well they don’t. They have far too much artificial confidence and that’s one reason they cannot keep a boyfriend and one reason why they are mentally unbalanced and rely on pharmaceutical anti-depressants. A shy girl isn’t necessarily immune to all this, but there’s a good chance she is."

There is just so much wrong in that one paragraph.  

You go on to compound your mistake by stating that "Part of being a man is being protector of your property, that includes your woman." I am not sure what century you are living in by women stopped being Viewed as property a LONG TIME AGO.

There is SO much more wrong with your blog piece but I think it stands to reason that you now might understand why women are avoiding you like the plague.  You are insensitive, devoid of any actual emotion other than aggression and please take my advice about seeking Professional help seriously you seem like you really need it.

Ok this bit needs addressing again, just so it becomes clear in your mind.

Here is your take on it
"You don’t need to act like a nice guy dweeb to get a shy girl. You don’t need to keep your hands to yourself and “respect her boundaries”. You need to be the aggressor, like a gentleman caveman. Shy girls aren’t touchy feely."

Here is my break down of it.
"You don't need to act like a nice guy dweeb to get a shy girl"- No you don't need to act like a nice guy try actually being one and you may actually get a shy girl or any girl for that matter.
"You don’t need to keep your hands to yourself and “respect her boundaries”.- You do have to keep your hands to your self and respect her boundaries because if you don't you end up on a sexual assault charge.
"You need to be the aggressor, like a gentleman caveman."- if you are going to be an "aggressor" or caveman you need to leave out the word Gentlemen because I highly doubt that you know what a gentleman actually is.




.  

And it's getting hot.

I love summer I love the heat, the swimming the long nights.  However I hate living in a house with no FRIGGEN AIR CON I am so over it.  4 houses in 12 years and NO air con in a single one of them.  Last night when I went to sleep it was still 27 Degrees Celsius in the house and 20 outside.  The poor cat is feeling the heat currently she is lying on my bed under a ceiling fan trying to stay cool.

I want to be at my mums where the swimming is cheap cheap cheap not up here where it costs $50 less for one days worth of swimming than it does for a YEARS worth of swimming down at mum's.  Serious $75 for a family seasons ticket down there unlimited swimming from the time the pool opens in November until it closes in March/April compared to $25 for a day of swimming up here.

I want to be doing this

Not this

Please note that is NOT me in the pictures.

I was found suitable.

If you have read my earlier blogs pieces you would have read that I went for a job interview WAY back during the second week of the last school holidays.  So since then I have been waiting and waiting and waiting to hear back about the job.  I would have heard either way but I am happy to say that I was found SUITABLE YAY.

This is the first step into the next phase of my life, for so long now I have just been a stay at home mum which was great I have been able to stay at home with the kids until they were all in school. But they are getting older now and don't need me home as much sure child 3 is still little being only 6 but the job I went for is only 3 nights a week and husband would be home with them at night.

I think for me working would give me a little time for me something I haven't had in a long while and I would also stop being just child 1, 2 or 3's mum or Husbands wife I would be ME.